Stupid Marine Surveyors
STOOPID SURVEYOR TRICKS

I once witnessed a well known Ontario marine surveyor put a moisture meter on a lead keel and pronounce it saturated ...... not quite as funny as some of the following!

Quite often the list of recommendations from a boat survey are handed over to repair people that they may correct the deficiencies pointed out in the survey. Sometimes surveyors recommendations are less than clear.


Here are some problems identified by surveyors and the tech's responses.

(P = The problem logged by the surveyor.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the yard.)


P: Left prop almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left prop.

P: Sea trial OK, except autopilot not working
S: Autopilot not installed on this vessel.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs in bilge
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Engine synchronizer won't engage
S: Cannot reproduce problem in dry dock.

P: Evidence of hydraulic leak in steering.
S: Evidence removed.

P: Ship to shore volume unbelievably loud.
S: Ship to shore volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: Radar inoperative.
S: Radar always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Port engine missing.
S: Engine found in left side of engine room after brief search.

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Captain Wallace Gouk AMS®
SAMS® Accredited Marine Surveyor
Society of Accredited Marine Surveyors®
Transport Canada Licensed Master
Transport Canada Tonnage Surveyor
BoatUS Approved Surveyor



Captain Wallace Gouk AMS®, Survey reports accepted world wide by all financial and insurance institutions for sail and power boats servicing Ontario east, west, south and beyond including Niagara-on-the-Lake, St. Catharines, Grimsby, 50 Point, Stoney Creek, Hamilton, Burlington, Oakville, Bronte, Port Credit, Mississauga, Toronto, Oshawa, Pickering, Port Hope, Coburg, Newcastle, Kingston, Brockville, Penetanguishene, Midland, Barrie and Keswick. I have also worked in New York State, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Virginia, Florida and the Bahamas.
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Stoopid Tricks By Marine Surveyors